I’m so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don’t wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I got is hurt and these four words
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done.
-Lyrics from “Thy Will Be Done” by Hillary Scott
How many of us have been through things we don’t understand? How many times have you tried to follow God and ended up in some weird place that made absolutely no sense? What did you do?
A couple years ago I was there. So many things in my life was falling to pieces, and I had no clue how to pick them up and put them back together. It seemed as if everything I touched turned bad. Everything I tried to do failed. Everybody in my life hurt me, or left me, or passed away. I was miserable. I had no direction, no focus, and most of the time could barely stand the thought of living. Yes, it was bad.
I knew what I needed. I needed God. I needed His direction, but when I prayed, all I got was more confusion. It wasn’t God that was confusing me, it was my own mind. I was trying to make God’s path fit into my own twisted version of reality, and it simply could not fit. It wasn’t God’s plan for me, as much as I tried to make it be. It wasn’t until I surrendered that I finally understood.
It doesn’t matter what I want. It doesn’t matter what I think. It doesn’t even matter what feels right at the time, even when deep down I know it doesn’t. There’s only one thing that matters: God’s will. You see, we all have to make a choice. We can either follow God’s will for our lives, or we can try to do things on our own. I’m sure all of us, at one point or another, has tried to do things our way. I still do on occasion. But where does that get me? It gets me into dark places. It gets me to a fallen point out of God’s grace. And trust me, that’s not a fun place to be.
It’s all about surrender. It’s about trusting in God, having faith that He knows what’s best for you. It’s about saying “Okay, enough is enough. I trust you, I choose to follow you, no matter where the road leads, and no matter the cost.” That’s what it takes.. surrender. And when you do, watch doors open that were previously closed. When you surrender your all to God, watch the wonders he will do in your life.
So, yes, I surrendered. I gave in to God’s will for my life, as much as it hurt sometimes. As much as it scared me. But it was the right thing to do, and I’ve become better for it.